Last weekend was an “adventure” I care not to repeat. A friend was coming in from out of town and with that came a girl’s night. I wasn’t sure if I was going to bring B or not, but I decided that if I could pump enough milk for her to be ok, I would leave her home with my husband. One other time I have left her alone with him, and they did great! B loves her daddy, and he can’t get enough of her. The prior time was just a trip to the grocery store, I was gone about an hour and half and everything went perfectly. This time, not so much.
I had plenty of milk stored up for the night, about 6oz, which is more than enough for the couple of hours I was going to be gone. However I really should have cued into my motherly instincts when B was having a fussy day, and either canceled my plans, or brought her along. We were just going to dinner, so it wasn’t like I would have brought her to a bar or anything. Steven insisted they would be fine, and that he wanted me to get out on my own, because save that hour I had at the grocery store, I’ve been attached to B since she’s existed. Well, this time it didn’t go so smoothly. She just was in a mood. I still don’t know why, but she just wanted her Mama. I felt awful, worse yet, Steven said he felt like a failure. This broke my heart. She cried almost the entire time. I got a panicked call after I had been gone for two hours. Just as I hurried things at the restaurant so I could get home (ie get my bill paid), he texted saying she calmed down, so I slowed things down. It only lasted a little while, and we were wrapping things up anyway, so I hurried home. I was gone three hours in total. She was quiet when I walked in the door, but only if Steven was walking around. He was drenched in sweat. She ate the bottle I left, however, she wasn’t really into it according to Steven, and otherwise all she did was cry.
This makes me really nervous for the fact that I’m going back to work in just over five weeks. I really hope it was just a case of her not feeling well, because what will I do if she just screams whenever I’m not around?
Dinner was great, with a great group of women, but it is difficult to think of having fun when I know my baby was having a hard time. I guess any girls nights in the near future will have to include Little Miss B.
On a side note: I think B knows when I pump, she hates it. After I pump, for the whole day, even when I know things are back to full supply she is a super fussy eater. If anyone has had any experience with this, please let me know. I have to pump so I have enough milk when I go back to work. She also seems to wake up right after I finish, even though I try and do it right after I put her down for a nap. It always seems that she has short naps when I pump, but if I don’t, she’ll sleep for a few hours.
Reminds me of when our 5 year old was a baby and she would go into screaming fits for no reason that we could figure out. I remembering holding her while she would scream at the top of her little lungs for 20-30 minutes straight. My ears would ring afterward. I remember trying everything I could think of. I remember what it felt like to think I was a failure as a father. But the fits eventually passed. And I now feel good that I was there, and I tried- that I did the best I could. And, it wouldn’t have necessarily mattered if her mom was there or not. All I can say to your husband is, keep being there, keep doing your best. And for you, keep taking some time for yourself, because you deserve it and need it. And your baby will be fine.
Good luck!
The short answer is that it doesn’t get any easier, at least for me. I hear stories of parents leave for a week vacation to Miami when their baby is 6 months old. My response is to the idea, “This is unheard of!” I love the idea of leaving for vacation to be a grown up sans kids, but really I would only spent every moment worrying about every detail.
I have completely changed my life since kids and they go everywhere with me. I treat life that if they can’t do it then I don’t want to do it. But I love my life as it is with my children.
I don’t have any advice for you but I do know exactly how you feel. I have gone through every emotion you have as well. If it helps to know, you aren’t the only one.
Pingback: Leaving on a Jet Plane « Mama Smit's Musings